Christmas Steam Games


Ahh… The holidays. A time of joy and selfless giving, ugly sweaters,
eggnog, decorations and resolutions. The wonderful time of commercialism, TV re-runs
of the same movies over and over again. And non-stop and unavoidable, Christmas music. Anyways, in celebration of the holidays. I’m going to play some Christmas games on
steam. And uhhh…. Yeah….. T-that’s about it. That’s all I got for ya.
Take that one to the store about buy a f*** milkshake. I don’t know what you buy with your money. Just get something nice for yourself it’s
Christmas. Our first game is Secret Santa. In this game you play as Santa Sneaking around people’s houses at night With the goal of dropping off presents without
being detected by the kids. Now later on in the game, there’s going to
be more obstacles like….. Oh Jesus f**** Christ, granny you killed Santa. Now your lucky that Santa is immortal And a very forgiving person or else I would
have seriously considered putting you on the naughty list this year but I….. Alright your really pushing your luck here
old women. I swear to Christ I’ll….. Oh well, at least her kid’s got to see her
straight up murder Santa Claus. That’s pretty much the jist of this game Avoid kids, deliver presents, climb down the
chimney, repeat. Well, I’m done with this game. On to the next
one. Alright well this next game is Christmas Adventure:
Candy Storm. Now this is your typical point and click adventure
game with just a Christmas coat of paint. This game is honestly pretty generic. Just click everything until something happens. Or you can just do what I did, and have the
hint button play the game for you! Oh great a puzzle. I suck at puzzles. Thanks
hint button! Then they have these little seek-n-find segments.
But you can’t just click on everything. Or else they’ll lock your screen up for a few
seconds. The rest of this game is just helping this
old women out. Click on some more stuff, do some backtracking.
Blah, blah, blah… The end. At least that’s the end for me, because I’m
done playing this s*** Next game! Well the last one isn’t exactly a game. It’s
actually a movie. But it’s technically on steam, and I’m sort
of running out of options here. Unless you really want to see, Emily’s Christmas
Carol. Which looks like nothing more than a glorified
ported mobile game. Hmm…. I mean honestly it’s not like any of the other
games in this video have been any better…. It can’t be that expensive right? 9 dollars?! Oh hell no we’re doing Krampus. [AHHHHHH (scream en espanol)] Oh boy…. I can already tell this is going
to be a masterpiece. This is so f*** metal. So, this movie is about Jeremy. A detective who has never gotten over this
time when Krampus abducted him as a kid and tried to drown him in a lake. Oh, Krampus is the brother of good ol’, jolly
ol’ saint nick. Who’s a complete fucking a***hole in this
movie. Santa: You sniveling little s***. I should
kill you myself. Our hero, Jeremy, has a feeling that the same
person who abducted him is the same person who’s behind the recent abductions. Jeremy and friends track down their suspect,
who turns out to be none other than Krampus! After firing off an entire battalion’s worth
of ammunition. Krampus captures Jeremy. And takes him back to his sex lair, where
he’s busy cracking skulls and breaking hearts. Jeremy escapes but then nothing f*** happens
for 30 minutes! Then comes the ending. The man who Jeremy put away for 10 years.
Breaks into his house and terrorizes his family. Creepy dude: “WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAANNND!” Our hero, Jeremy, shows up just in the nick
of time to kill fatty then Krampus appears and f*** up his day by
killing his wife and using his daughter as a sex slave.

2 comments

  1. ok that was very interesting man. You totally should have played the Christmas Carol one! You would have loved it lol

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