Game of Zones – S5:E5: The Isle of Van Gundy



My home island grows near When we get there my brothers will bestow on each of you great knowledge And hopefully turn this season around I don't see anything Before you see them…you’ll hear them. Sh, listen [singing]
Replay is a joke. It’s good for the officials but bad for the game What is that? Some sort of…chant? It’s a rant. A Van Gundian rant, Tobias. These monks have taken a vow of no silence [singing]
Dwight Howard is always waffling and complaining. He is a coach killer Ah, yeah, that’s lovely. I could listen to that for minutes before getting annoyed Oh, there she is! The Isle of Van Gundy [laughs] Home sweet home [singing]
And if you flop… [singing]
You should get a technical… [singing]
foul [singing]
And if you flop… [singing]
You should be fined millions of… [singing]
gold! [singing]
And if you flop… [singing]
You should be suspended from the… [singing]
game! [singing]
Because flopping ruins the game! [singing]
But they don’t listen to us [laughs] Brother Stan! Brother Jeff! Is that really you? How the hell are ya? Ugh, terrible! The whole foul review system’s a mess Nobody listens to me. How are you? I’m miserable. We’re stuck in the damn ninth seed and I’ve tried everything Could use a bit of your help, Brother Jeff Ah, the Van Gundian Monks will always help a coach in need Knights of Detroit, C’mere and form a f–king wall I want you to meet my brothers. This here, this is Jeff Van Gundy Hello there! That’s Ethan Van Gundy Pleasure to meet you Reff Van Gundy That there is Jan Van Gundy Greetings I'm their second cousin This little guy is Gundy Van Gundy He’s severely gundied, so don’t say nothing about
“load management” in front of that one Ah! That'll ruin the game and you know it! All right. Ethan, can you show the knights to their chambers? Our training begins bright and early tomorrow If you can’t make your free throws, they’re gonna hack you all day I don’t know, I just sorta feel like…I don’t need analytics to tell me LeBron is good You know? I know that. I can see that Ugh, I’m just not sure this will be enough, Brother Jeff The Lords of Detroit will have me head if we don’t make a run in the playoffs this year You know, there is another option. I mean, you are the Master of Trades, right? Aye Well, I hear whispers of a wealthy lord who’s looking to part ways with his most decorated knight If I send a raven now, they can be here on the morrow Ugh…I just… Ah, screw it. Send the raven I think you’re gonna like him, Brother Stan. He’s even balder and louder than I Developing! Developing! Developing players! Let’s make a trade, baby! Woooo! Ser Blake Griffin But he’s the face of your franchise And soon he can be the face of yours All right, but…who would you want for him? Tobias is a good developing player Yes, him All right! You’ve got yourself a dea– Also Avery Bradley, Boban the Giant and a first-round pick I mean…that’s quite a lot. What kind of contract do you got him under? Five years. 171 Million Seven hells, that’s a lot of gold I mean, Ser Griffin’s a marvelous talent and all Do you know he once dunked over a horse? Clydesdale Ah, wow, that’s…that’s really athletic. I just…171 million gold…it’s a lot… Oh, and did you know, he’s…funny? Oh? Is…is he now… Blake, tell us one of your jokes Um…sure…yeah Uh, so…cheers. Thanks for coming out everyone…um… So my squire year, some of the older blokes take me to a whorehouse— Not that one. Not that one Right…um…so a ref walks into a bar…and then a table…and then some chairs… [laughs] Because he’s…because the ref is blind! [laughs] That’s great, laddie It’s a deal! Fare thee well, House Pistons! And remember, stay away from those analytics folks! [chanting]
Alonzo [chanting]
Mourning What they doing? That there is the ceremonial exodus of the Van Gundys. Watch [chanting]
Back cut, down screen, ice, ice Go forth to victory! And please give our tidings to the maiden Rihanna! Bey! Ah, Bey I…don’t think she’s a maiden [laughs] This lad! I've got a feeling we're going to have a long, bright future together, Blake

28 comments

  1. The lyrics in the rant though, lmao!

    Lyrics
    "Replay's a joke. Its good for the officials but bad for the game"

    "Dwight howard is always waffling and complaining. He is a coach killer"

    "And if you flop, you get technical foul
    And if you flop, you should be fined millions of gold.
     and if you flop, you should get suspended from the game.
    Because flopping ruins the game
     but they dont listen to us.."

  2. Best JVG quote ever after being shown a list of stats "Those numbers are meaningless—the only number that matter are WINS!"

  3. Bay of Once, pure gold. The Mourning/VanGundy part had me in tears. Game of Zones based on 90s teams could definitely work 👍

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