Laff Mobb’s Laff Tracks – Quitting Football ft. T. Murph | truTV


♪♪ I tried to play football
back in high school. You know want to know
what happened, my mans? Ha, ha. I quit. Yeah, yeah. I quit.
I gave that [bleep] up. Yeah, I quit
after a scrimmage game. Yeah, if you don’t know
what a scrimmage game is, that’s when you play
the people that’s on your team. I’m like, “If they know me
and they trying to kill me, what the [bleep]
these strangers gonna do?” And then my coach —
My coach was a [bleep] My coach had me playing
strong safety. Strong — Hey, look at me. Ain’t nothing strong
about me, okay? Nothing. Strong sa– As a strong safety,
you are the last line of defense against the offensive side
of the field. And I’m out there doing
all the stupid-ass moves my coach tells me to do. I got my little legs
moving real fast right, right? I’m doing little dig.
He like, “Dig, Murph!” I’m like, “I’m digging, Coach!
I’m digging!” “Keep digging!” Now, let me tell you something. You know what this
help you do, sir? Not a damn thing. Helps you do
absolutely nothing. Now, this helps you get
the hell out the way, right? Ooh [bleep] ‘scuse me, jacket.
Ooh, ‘scuse me. Alright. ‘Scuse me. You start doing
a little Merengue. Excuse me. Now, the man who had the ball, he was 6’4″, 240 pounds. His name was Dino. That’s short for Dinosaur.
[ Chuckles ] Now, let me tell you something
about somebody that’s 6’4″, 240 pounds. In actuality,
they don’t look that big… when they are 15…
to 20 yards away from you. But as they start to get closer, and your vision
starts to focus in, you start asking yourself
questions like, “Whose step-father
is this,” right? No, no, no, no.
That’s — That’s a grown man. Why is your daddy
on the field, okay? He supposed to drop you off at
practice, not come to practice. What’s going on?” And I’m thinking
he gonna run around me because we on the same team. But our other teammates started
screaming out stuff like, “Hit his ass!” “Truck him!” “Hit his ass!” And he didn’t just hit me. No, no.
This man ran through me. And he took
a small piece of my soul with him down the field. My pinky got caught
in between his cleats. He drug me
for an additional 8 yards. I was laying on the field unconscious, passed out. My coach,
he’s in the back panicking. Right, he come running
out on the field with the same run that every high school coach has
across America. [ Wheezing ] [ Laughter ] Got a hip replacement. He come running out. “Murph! Damn it, Murph,
don’t do this to me. Murph! [Bleep] Murph, baby, listen to me. Murph, listen to me. Support your neck, baby.
Support your neck. Support your neck —
I know you’re hurt. You support your neck. Come on, we tough.
Murph, look at me, baby. I got one question
for you, Murph. Murph, what day is it?” “Bitch, it’s my last day.” And I immediately quit, and I became a cheerleader
the same day. [ Laughter ] That man knocked me
into a toe touch.

14 comments

  1. This has to be the worst show on TV. The comedians are not funny and the embarrassing attempt at scetching them out is cringe worthy. I mute the commercials for this crap so it don't pollute my earwax. I didn't even watch this video. Just came here to vent my frustration with such a terrible attempt at entertainment. But then again when I see the type of "musicians" people are into these days…… I kind of get it. But still… if the Mandela effect is real, it needs to erase every memory of this blemish from history.
    Sincerely,
    IJ Fanboy.

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