What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers… and their managers live together under one roof? Players stop being polite… and start getting Re-al. This is… The Champions. This Halloween, I dressed up as a real, Premier League man. Hat-trick-or-treat! Ever since coming to Barcelona, it’s been difficult to connect with Messi. He’s never online! OK. Just hold on for one second. I want to send this. It’s going to be so funny. What, what? Oh, no. Oh, no. Delete, delete, delete, delete! Man, I haven’t seen Leo this frustrated since… after every single international tournament. The Neymar transfer falling through has really put Messi in a mood this season. I don’t think a trip to the pottery shop is going to solve this one. Hmm….maybe Messi needs to talk with someone on his level. Oh, yes. This is a very good idea. I will talk him to him now! Ah. No. I meant Ronaldo. Pique say I should ask Ronaldo to dinner, because he is the only person who understands, you know, how it feel to always be around worse players. So, are you excited? Eh…no. Um…everything OK in there? No! Look. I don’t see what’s wrong. How many abs you see? How many abs? Uh…eight. Oh god. No, no, no! Why is that bad? My ninth ab is gone! I am truly aging. Ninth ab? Is that a thing? Ugh, Cristiano, your phone is blowing up. Ew. I don’t know this number. Have one of the center-backs clear that. Thank you. Uh…I think that is, uh, actually Messi’s number. Oh my god. No it’s not. Shut up. Shut up. I mean…whatever…I mean…pfft…what does he want? You know? Probably Champions League tips because I have, uh, 127 Champions League goals and he has, like, 113 or something… I don’t know, I don’t pay attention to that stuff. Now if you’ll excuse me, Karim, I guess I’ll see what Lionel Messi wants to talk to me about. Karim? I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m Karim Benzema. So…Leo Messi has asked me to dinner. What do you think you want to talk to him about? You know, to be honest, I don’t have many people in my life who say the truth. So they all will just say, ‘Ronaldo, you are so great,’ ‘Ronaldo, you are the best,’ ‘Ronaldo, you are not guilty’— you know, things like that. But if Messi says that I’m the best, you know, then it must be the truth. But I’m sure he thinks he is the best…except for the looks, of course. So…uh…Van Dijk? UEFA Player of the Year, eh? Si. Uh, it is stupid award, you know, like… I mean, please, the guy has one good year, but honestly, like, I honest…I think he kind of sucks. I think he is very good player. Well, yeah, yeah, I mean, of course, for sure he is very good, I mean, I don’t want to take anything away from him, I just mean, like, he isn’t as good as us, but yeah, I mean I totally, I know what you’re saying, like, he’s obviously— I will tell you the specials. Memories they are prison. Nothing we can call our own, but death, and that small model of barren earth, which serves as a paste and a cover to our bones… Today’s special is a French onion soup. I will have the goat. Yikes. Ah, no! Don’t eat me. Hehe…er. Um…I will have the cod, please. Thanks. So…here we are. Ronaldo and Messi…just…having dinner, you know. Can you believe it? Si. Yeah…right. So…uh…how dumb are taxes, right? OK…um…what…uh…was there, like, a reason you wanted to have dinner, because… I need to eat to have energy. Yes, obviously, but I mean…like…a reason to eat with me? Si. OK…and? To talk. OK, but you don’t say anything. I like to let my football do the talking. OK, then what am I even doing here? This is stupid. This was a stupid idea. We are not the same. OK, I am a brand… and you are just like…a…um…a football robot or something. Yeah, run away like you ran away from La Liga…p—y ass b—h. What did you say? I said, uh, ‘thank you.’ Thank you? Si. You solved my problem. Before I was mad that we did not get Neymar, but now you have reminded me that the greatest players have giant egos, and are not fun to play with. You are the best, Ronaldo. Wait…I’m the…the best? Well, no, I did not mean like— Did you guys hear this? Lionel Messi just said I am the best! Did you guys hear this? Lionel Messi just said I am the best! Media! Any media! Did you hear this? Messi said Ronaldo is the best. That is not what I meant. Oh, I heard it as clear as Crystal Palace! Huh! Crystal Palace? Huh? Where!? I will not promote this cartoon. But I will! Subscribe to BR Football to support The Champions!